Why Do Vietnamese People Keep Asking When Will You Get Married?

16 Mar 2019 in Others

For those who can't understand why there is so much marriage pressure on a Vietnamese girl's shoulders...

Alright, so basically what I often hear from people these days are like "When are you going to get married?", "When can I see your boyfriend?", "When will you bring him home?", etc. I know a lot of my foreign friends find it ridiculously crazy, so today I'm gonna show you another look at this issue, from the perspective of the locals.

Firstly, I have to admit that I'm not ready to settle down yet even when I'm 28 already. But my road to 30's is gonna be bumpy. In the next 4 years, if I still can't bring a guy home and tell my parents his name is gonna be on my marriage certificate soon, they will definitely panic!!! I don't like the pressure at all, of course it's no fun, but I kinda understand why people have to be in such a rush. Vietnamese people are known for being really family-oriented and we do believe that we can only focus on our career after having a stable family. In addition, we are quite protective of our beloved ones, and we also want to be kept updated what's going on with them, whether they are happy or not. I know it's different from the Western culture, where people are really independent and aware of others' privacy; we here are supposed not to just think of ourselves. I know some people who were not ready enough, but they still made the move just because they think it's the responsibility they must take. Actually I feel pretty guilty when my dear grandmother said that she wants to be able to see my husband, my children, and I know if I hope to make her wish come true, I have to hurry. But it's such a dilemma. Of course, I want her to attend my happy wedding, to see how cute my babies will be, but at the same time I also want to find my real soulmate, who is going to love, appreciate and treat me well, who will be the great father of my kids. And I can't tell who he is just after a short time knowing each other.

So I don't feel irritated by those questions anymore because I know they are well-meaning. The main problem is just that my definition of "happy" is a little bit different from theirs as at the moment, I know I'm happy to be single. And if you are happy living on your own, you should not push the marriage thing-y either. 

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  • Truong Vivian
    Truong Vivian
    20 Mar 2019 Reply

    I have spent my last 3 days at ICU in Cho Ray Hospital. Actually it's quite scary to lay there in deep coma without anyone paying a visit :( If you don't wanna get married, you can still have that much of fun in life around best friends!

  • Toby Bennett
    Toby Bennett
    19 Mar 2019 Reply

    I feel like the local community have a blurry view of Western culture. There's this idea that family values aren't as important in the west, which isn't true at all. I'm 35 from the UK and most of my peers are married and have children. I'm the exception, not the norm.

    Truong Vivian
    Truong Vivian
    20 Mar 2019 Reply

    I can't say I understand much about your culture, but yeah, I've been told many stories that people over there are no longer fond of getting married :(

  • Carl Thomas
    Carl Thomas
    19 Mar 2019 Reply

    Hello. As a Man from the west I also feel this pressure in Vietnam as I've yet to Marry and have children...I'm 37. A lot of my Vietnamese friends will joke with me about been single, saying I will have nobody to care for me when I'm older. On the flip side, sometimes when I'm asked that question (usually from Men) and I tell them I've never married or had kids they seem to praise me and say it's best to be single. I'm guessing these guys rushed in to marriage without truely loving their partner. I would like to get married one day but it needs to be with the right person for me and I the right person for her but I don't think this is something that should be rushed.

  • Philip Veinott
    Philip Veinott
    17 Mar 2019 Reply

    Is it a cultural thing?